Childhood Memory Prompts
Do you have a childhood memory that surfaces again and again, which carries sadness, hurt or anger? Or perhaps a moment that surprised you with fear, long after you thought it was forgotten?
I have a handful of such memories. I suppose I’m lucky there aren’t more. But even one is enough to shape a life.
I’ve spent time exploring these memories, as well as the childhood stories shared by others, as part of my lifeboat building process. Each one deserves care and attention. Because behind every story is a child who needed to feel safe, loved, and protected. And it takes courage to revisit these moments.
After reading Sensory Pathways to Healing from Trauma by Ruth Lanius et al., I felt inspired to create a set of prompts to guide myself – and maybe you – through that exploration of a specific memory.
You might be bold enough to begin this journey on your own. Or you may prefer to be guided by someone you trust. Either way, the choice is yours.
Please move through these questions slowly and honestly. You don’t need to answer every question right away. You can return whenever you’re ready.
If any part feels overwhelming, pause. Breathe deeply. Ground yourself. There is no rush.
And one last thing... if your childhood memory involved abuse or violence by another: it was not your fault. Not one bit of it.
Here are the prompts I found most helpful:
• Who were the helpers? Anyone who offered comfort, protection, or understanding—even if imperfectly. Like Mr. Roger’s mother told him. By deliberately looking for the helper, you can begin to shift your perspective away from the pain and fear.
• How did you demonstrate resilience? What did you do to survive, adapt, or find hope? When did you feel safe enough?
• You are still here—what kept you going? Name the inner resources, beliefs, or moments that sustained you. Think resourceful, intuitive, and resilient.
• Revisit assumptions with “what if…?” For example: What if someone had intervened? What if there was something helpful you didn’t see? What if you had been believed, hugged, or protected? What if you don’t remember the helpers?
• Rewrite your memory in a way that makes sense to you and allows you to reclaim your power. As Zander and Zander remind us: “It’s all invented anyway, so we might as well invent a story or a framework of meaning that enhances our quality of life and the life of those around us.”
• What would you like to say to the younger version of yourself who went through this experience? What you wish had been said. What you wish had happened next. You deserved to be held, soothed, and protected. I see your resilience. You are safe now, and loved. Here is what I have said to a younger part of me:
Thank you for always being with me.
Thank you for always working hard to keep me safe. You taught me to be brilliant at survival. Because of you, I became resourceful, intuitive, and resilient. I wouldn’t be here without you, you know. I am so grateful for you.
I am grateful for even more though. Do you know what that is?
I am grateful that we both want me to be the best version of myself in the service of others.
We have just been going about that differently.
I think we would have even greater success if we worked together to achieve that. In fact, we have already made great strides towards the best version of me. We just have a little more to go.
Will you work with me? I really hope you will. I can’t do this without you.
Let me give you a hug right now and hold you tight.
I love you.
• How do you think your childhood experiences have shaped your beliefs about yourself and the world? Think about your tendencies, habits, and what your inner critic says most: I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not worthy of love.
• What would you like to say to your abuser today? If you feel ready, speak freely. Here is what I want to say to my abuser today:
Look me in the eye and tell me what led you to do that to me? If you say it was a compulsion, then are you saying this wasn’t your fault? You had a choice. Someone else made you do it? That sounds like helplessness. But helplessness comes from an impoverished childhood which means you probably didn’t get the love you needed and you never felt safe. Were you also abused? Is that why you feel like someone else made you do it? You still had a choice. Did you even feel any shame? That would at least make you still human. It would also mean you knew what you did was wrong. Your choice led me to keep my head down and hold my tongue, lest something like that should happen again. But now I only feel sorry for you. I forgive you. Because of you, I grew stronger and more resilient. And that is my choice.
• Bring your awareness to your body. Where do you feel this memory lingering? Think about the tension you hold and where that memory is hanging on. Work with someone skilled at manual manipulation and who understands muscles and fascia – perhaps a massage therapist or chiropractor.
The more we explore different perspectives the more easily we begin to see hope where hope was lost and compassion where meanness once stood. We start to see the hurt for what it was, not what our younger minds created to survive it.
This isn’t a cure. It won’t make it all go away. Because we will never forget. But it is a path to find comfort, and perhaps even appreciation, for the strength it took to endure.
Are you willing to find the child behind the story and let them know they are safe now, and loved?
And if you do… I hope you’ll let them feel it in every breath, every hug, and every word you speak to yourself from now on.
Resources
Zander, Rosamund. S., and Benjamin Zander. 2000. The Art of Possibility. Boston: Harvard Business School.
Lanius, R. A., Harricharan, S., Kearney, B. E., & Pandev-Girard, B. 2025. Sensory Pathways to Healing from Trauma: Harnessing the Brain's Capacity for Change. Guilford Press.
Edited by Microsoft Copilot. I really do use too many words!
Image by Canva AI with Microsoft Copilot on text support.
